Friday, July 22, 2011

A Little Angel

Here is a journal entry I wrote on April 9th....I couldn't post it right away but think it is now time to...

4/09/11
I never thought I would be writing an entry like this. Things have gone terribly wrong. The parents came up on Thursday (April 7th) for the ultrasound to see their lil pumpkin. The last u/s showed a perfect lil baby..his heartbeat was 172..he was wiggling all over. Everything was perfect. We anticipated another perfect u/s. We weren't prepared for what we saw....there was no heartbeat. There were no indications on the u/s that anything went wrong. The u/s tech said sometimes something will pop-out at her, but nothing did. Everything looked perfect but the baby passed about a week ago. We were all in shock...how could this be? The parents drove 4 1/2 hrs to see their beautiful baby...how could this happen? I think we all felt so numb. My heart was breaking immediately for the parents. We spoke to the doctor and we all agreed a D&C Friday would be the best.
I didn't know what know what to say to the parents or what to do. I felt so horribly sorry and sad. I was supposed to carry their child for 9 months. In October I was supposed to deliver their  miracle for them. I don't understand. I believed with all my heart that God brought us together for a very special reason. I was to be a part of their miracle...I felt so honored. I believed that God was watching over this lil one and his parents. Everything has been so perfect since the moment I met the parents. We all just felt it was meant to be. God was finally going to bless them. Why? Why must they go through any more heartache? Haven't they been through enough? Why can't they finally be blessed? They are such a beautiful couple, that they should be able to have a big happy family if that is what they want. And all they are asking for is one little miracle. Why must they continue to suffer? I know I shouldn't ask God why...but I just don't get it. I believed with all my heart that this was His will...this was His plan. I still believe and I will continue to believe that God will bless them, I'm just so sad that it isn't right now. And until the day I know they have their miracle, I will continue to believe and pray for that.

Fast forward to today.....
Well 3 1/2 months have gone by....we are still all very sad but we are all healing. Time heals all things....God heals all. I have to admit, I was quite angry with God.  I haven't been to church since this all happened. Right afterwards it was because I was so hurt and in such disbelief I couldn't bring myself to go. In time I became less upset with God....and I do intend to get back into church but honestly, we  have been extremely busy since summer started and havent been home on the weekend in along time. So, I do intend to get back into going soon. Although I will never understand why God does what He does, I have to believe that He has a plan for this beautiful couple and that they will be blessed someday. I keep thinking that someday they will be able to enjoy parenthood as much as I have...I pray for that everyday.
I do have wonderful news...we have decided to move forward. We are going to begin our 2nd journey...one that will hopefully end in a very happy ending. We have a transfer date of September 9th....I pray that this is going to be it...that they will be finally blessed with one...or 2 or 3 miracles!!!    :)   So hopefully late May, early June we will all have that happy ending we want so much. Please pray for us!!!  I still have the Christmas card the parents sent to me sitting on my dresser...it is Mary with baby Jesus. And next to it I  have the u/s pics of their baby. I know their little angel is with God and it will always make me feel sad when I think about him/her...but I do look forward to our future. I believe that although they now have 2 little angels in heaven, God is going to give them a child here on earth...the miracle they always wanted and they so deserve. Please God!!!

Friday, March 25, 2011

2nd Ultrasound!!

I can't believe yesterday was the 2nd ultrasound already! The baby is doing great.  His (her?) heartbeat was 173 and he was moving all over. That was so neat to see. I wasn't expecting to see much movement at this stage but he was wiggling all over...it was incredible :)  I can't wait to actually feel the movements!! He measured at 8wks 5 days which is perfect because we're actually 8wks 3 days as of yesterday. I will probably hear from the IVF Specialist today and most likely will be scheduling another ultrasound for 2 wks from now. I am really looking forward to that one because the parents will be coming up for that...I can not wait for them to see their lil pumpkin for the first time on ultrasound...I don't think there will be a dry eye in the room! I know they are so super excited about their  baby but the moment they see their lil one moving around it will become more of a reality. I know for myself it's so hard to believe sometimes that there really is a little life growing inside of me so I can not imagine how it must be for the parents.
By now I know I have told so many people about this journey and it's funny how everyone has the same question "Are  you gonna be ok giving the baby up?".  I do understand why they ask that, I think it's just natural to wonder that. But each time I hear that I kinda chuckle inside....I would NEVER give up my baby...but .this is not my baby!!!  I am merely taking care of someone else's baby for a short time. Just as at work I take care of someone else's child.....and when I used to babysit I took care of someone else's child....it is just temporary though. And yes, every child I have ever cared for I have loved in some way (yes, some I get more attached to than others)...but that's ok. It's ok to care for and love someone else's child. So, when I get asked that question "Are you gonna be ok giving the baby up?" it strikes me as a little weird. I'm not giving up a baby...it's not my baby...I'm just giving back a child that needed me to care for  him for a little bit. And yes, I will be ok :)  

Sunday, March 13, 2011

First Ultrasound!!

I have been wanting to post since Wed. night but unfortunately my internet service has been down...I've been going through internet withdrawal!!  Anyway, Wed. was our first ultrasound and we saw one beautiful baby with a perfect heart rate in the 120's. Thank you, Jesus!!! What a miracle!! To see that lil heart just beating away  made me cry. God is so good and to know that he has this lil life growing inside of me is just so surreal. T&J have been waiting so long for a child and have been through so much heartache that I am just so thrilled that they will finally be parents. And to think that God chose me to help with this miracle!! I can not express how that makes me feel. I feel so blessed to be able to be a part of this.
The IVF Specialist likes to do ultrasounds every 2 wks in the beginning....another reason to love this doctor!! So, I  am so lucky to be having another ultrasound in a wk and a half (at 8wks) and then another one at 10wks. And then around 11-12 wks the IVF specialist will release me to my OB. Which at that point I won't be having many more ultrasounds but then I have other things to look forward to...like feeling the baby kick which I am hoping will be around 14-15 wks (thats when I usually  start feeling movements).....then at 20 wks we should be having the detailed u/s to check all organs (and of course the sex!!). So...we have so many little milestones to look forward to. And as much as I enjoy being pregnant and don't want to rush this too much...I can not wait for the day T&J welcome their baby into this world. I  have a feeling the next 33 wks are going to go by pretty fast!!!  I know they are anxious to find out if it's a boy and girl..and so am I :) Of course, I keep thinking it's a boy... but I was wrong with all of my babies so we shall see about this one. I am usually good at predicting the sex of my friends babies so maybe I'll be right with this one:) 
Ok..well I have to run to go pick up my daughter..she went to her dads for the weekend. Will try to post soon. Please keep the prayers going that this lil one continues to get big and strong...thank you!!  :)

Sunday, March 6, 2011

3 more days to go!!

So...in only 3 days we will know how many!!! I am so glad  my little ones have kept me so busy this week cause the week went by so fast.
Alex, my  3 yr old, has developmental speech apraxia. He receives speech therapy 3 times a week. Back in the fall one of his therapists referred him to an ENT because she was suspecting he has velopharyngeal insufficiency. In a nutshell, his soft palate does not close properly during speech therefore, he speaks very nasally. He had an eval done in the fall and went back for a follow up on Wed. He met with the speech therapist that specializes in this, then went for a videofluoroscopy. That was pretty cool..he thought he was "making his own movie" :)  After the test we met with a group of many different doctors and the recommendation was to go ahead with surgery. So we are looking at either April or May for surgery. We spent pretty much all of Wed at the hospital.
Friday, Alex and Aiden pretty much attacked Mikey (my 14 yr old step-son) when he got home from school. All three of them were on the floor being boys. I don't know why boys always have to be so physical!! Well, all of a sudden Mikey rolls over and starts crying. I'm thinking he's just playing around with the boys. A few minutes go by before I realized he wasn't joking. He rolled over and there was blood everywhere, coming out of his ear. Well, Aiden had a thermometer in his hand when they were wrestling and somehow managed to shove it in his ear. So...we took a trip to the ER. And luckily, after suctioning his ear out they were able to tell that the abrasion was to the side of his ear drum. That could have been so much worse, had it penetrated his ear drum!!
Liz, my 15 yr old, took off for Florida on Thursday with the  band and chorus. They performed at Univeral Studios on Friday and they will again tomorrow. So..I was left this weekend with a house full of boys. Us girls are always out-numbered but with her being gone it was 5 to 1 :(  It's not easy being around so much testosterone..can not wait for her to come home!!!
So..as you can see this week was a little busy...thank goodness. I am so looking forward to the ultrasound and am happy that I haven't had a lot of time to just sit and think about it. I know on Wed. this pregnancy will become more of a reality. I  have been feeling so good..other than extreme fatigue..that although I know that I am pregnant it isn't quite reality at times.  I had taken so many tests a few wks ago..and all of my betas were great...but still, when I see the lil heartbeat or two on Wed. that is when I will really BELIEVE!! With all of my pregnancies that is the moment that it is reality. I  mean, I know that God is with us through this journey...and I believe with all my heart that things are going to go well...but it is so hard to believe that there is a life (or two) growing inside of me and when I see them on ultrasound that will be the  moment when I know for sure they are with me!! And I know the tears will be rolling down my cheeks. I can not wait for that moment. This is such a miracle that I am allowed to be apart of and I am so grateful that God is allowing me to do this. I want so much for T& J to be parents....please, Lord...watch over their baby(ies) and let them grow big and strong!!!

Monday, February 28, 2011

One or Two????

I can't believe it's been a week since I posted. I have attempted several times to get on here and update but it seams something always prevents it.....sometimes it's my fatigue...sometimes its' the kids..... but glad I'm finally sitting here to fill ya in on the last week.
Things have been going wonderfully. Last Wed I went for my 2nd beta and was thrilled when I received a call from my IM to inform me it went from 252 to 641!!!  I was at the dentist with my kids and couldn't resist answering the phone when I saw who it was calling :)  All I kept thinking was...twins, twins..TWINS!!!!!!  I briefly filled in the dentist on this amazing journey we are on and she was in tears...and then I had to proceed to fill in a few other ladies there on our journey...everyone is so excited.
Friday was the 3rd beta and it was 1296..Yayy..another great number!! My progesterone has been running in the 70's and 80's...which is great. The IVF Specialist normally checks 4 to5 betas...however, the nurse told me on Friday that the doctor is very happy with all of my results and doesn't feel it is necessary to repeat the beta again. He said  the next step is an ultrasound...which is scheduled for March 9th. This is bitter-sweet. I am thrilled that my #'s are good enough that he doesn't feel we need to repeat it...BUT, I have been enjoying getting my betas done and watching them go up...and being reassured every 2 days that the baby(ies) are doing well. So now, we have to wait til the u/s. It is going to be so hard waiting til then!!!
Other than the fatigue and frequent peeing at night..I am feeling great. I know with my own pregnancies I was blessed to not have any morning sickness..or any complaints really. With 2 of my pregnancies I did have nausea for a few months but as long as I ate small meals frequently I was ok. I wasn't sure how this pregnancy would go..but so far so good. I know this is still early yet, but I so far I'm feeling great!!
Well I am hoping the next 9 days go by real fast. I can not wait to see how many lil pumpkins are in there. I  have been obsessing over reading about beta and progesterone levels and reading what other womens levels are...not that any of this will help me to know what we're having but it's so exciting reading about it and wondering what are chances of twins is. If I see one strong heartbeat in 9 days I will be crying my eyes out...I will be so overjoyed to see the lil miracle inside of me and to know that finally my IP's are going to be parents. But, if theres two...wow, I just can't imagine.  I know my IP's and I feel the same way, we will be so happy with one miracle, but two would be that much more amazing.
Well, my lil ones are needing mommy..gonna go make breakfast. For now, hoping the next 9 days go by fast..and praying these lil miracles are nice and safe in my womb.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

BETA #1

Yayyy...it is official...WE ARE PREGNANT!!!
I awoke yesterday to 6"of snow...normally I would be happy to see that, but all I could think about was that I HAVE to go the hospital for my BETA (quantitive HCG) and I was not going to allow that white stuff to get in the way of that!! I had planned on heading out early for that but the roads were horrible so I needed to wait til it cleared up. The morning was torture. I was so extremely nervous...and I was surprised by that. I wasn't the least bit nervous the day of the transfer (just very excited)....but yesterday I was so nervous!! When the roads finally cleared up I headed out and then had to wait for what seamed like an eternity to get the results. I couldn't think of anything but the test...having all 4 kids at home you think I would've been able to keep myself distracted but  nope...I could not focus on anything at all. Time seamed to stand still. My IM and I kept texting each other and were both so eager for the results. Then finally my IM called and had just received the result.............252!!!!!!!!!!  Thank you, Jesus!!! That is an awesome number!! I was on the phone with her jumping up and down....and all I kept saying was 252?? 252?? I just couldn't believe it..and I was so relieved to get such a great number. So, now our next question is: how many??  With that number it could be one or two. The doctor likes to repeat the BETA four or five times. The number needs to double about every 48hours..that is an indication of a healthy pregnancy. So..tomorrow I will be going for another BETA...and praying it at least doubles. Most likely in about 2 wks we will have an ultrasound..then we will find out how many decided to stick around:)
Last night by 6:00 I was exhausted..and had to fight to stay awake. I had every intention on getting on here and updating everyone but all I wanted to do was sleep. Alex (my 3 yr old) kept asking  me to give him a bath...normally I would  jump on that! He is the one that I usually have to fight to get into the tub..and here he was begging for a bath. I tried everything to distract  him and change his mind but  he had his  mind on taking a bath! Feeling guilty about this, I reluctantly gave him a bath...then was on the couch with both lil ones just shortly after 8:00. I can not believe  how tired I've been lately! I woke up several times to go pee but for the most part slept ok. I can't stop rubbing my belly and praying that these lil ones stay nice and safe in there til October.  Our due date is (unofficially) Oct. 31st....so T&J are going to have Halloween babies!! I can not wait til that glorious day when they welcome their babies into the world.  Until then, I am going to take care of them to the best of  my ability..and continue to pray. I know there are so many people praying for these lil pumpkins....and I know that God is awesome. I pray He lets them grow big and strong until they are ready to meet their parents. I am so happy that God put us (my IP's and I)  together..and is allowing us to be on this amazing journey together.  I look forward to the next 8 months.....what an awesome year this is going to be! Ok...well I'm gonna run...next BETA is tomorrow and I will try my hardest to update then :)

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Pos HPT :)

Thank you, Thank you...THANK YOU, LORD :)  
Yesterday I was extremely tired all day...about 8:30 I went to bed(which I never do) . I awoke at 11:30 to go pee (which I have been doing the last few nights..a good sign!!)...knowing that I would be POAS (peeing on a stick) in the morning I thought maybe I could just test now...it's almost morning (kinda). So I went ahead and.......saw a very faint positive line!! I was so excited...I started rubbing my belly and thanking my IP's babies for deciding to stay around....and of course thanked God a million times!!! Then I just stared at the stick for probably 10 minutes to make sure I was really seeing a pos line...it is real faint and I was so afraid my eyes were playing tricks on me!! After awhile I decided there definitely is 2 lines and I couldn't stay in the bathroom all  night  looking at the stick so I finally went back to bed. I just lie there for hours thinking of all kinds of happy baby thoughts for my IP's. My  husband woke up at some point and I was so happy to tell him that T&J are going to be parents :) Yayyyyy!!!  When my hubbie got up for work I prepared the PIO shot (progesterone in oil) for him to give me (as he has for a few wks now, and he's really good at it!)...then I couldn't wait to show him the stick. He confirmed there is 2 lines!!! I couldn't wait to Congratulate my IP's. They are so excited!!! I know that things will be more definite  next Monday when I have my first BETA done...but still, that little faint line is a sign that one or two lil ones decided to stay for a while!! I keep praying that God allows both of them to stay for at least 8 more months!! I can not wait for that day that they are able to finally hold the miracles they have been praying for and dreaming about for so long now :)  <3

Monday, February 14, 2011

Transfer went well !!

I can't believe the transfer has come and gone already...and now the dreaded "2WW". Everything went very smooth. My husband and I flew to Michigan thursday morning, we were so thankful the storm we had been worried about all week missed us. We were so afraid the weather was going to give us a hard time like it did our first trip to Michigan. When we arrived at the hotel I had a beautiful boutique of flowers awaiting me..my IP's are so sweet!! The boutique was beautiful :)  I was so happy Friday morning that the day we had been waiting for was finally here...and surprisingly I wasn't nervous...I felt such a sense of peace and joy. I brought a bible with me on our trip and did a lot of reading...I brought it with me to the transfer and as I read I prayed that God bless my IP's with the gift of life. When we arrived at the clinic a nurse went over a few things with me then gave me ibuprofen and valium. Just a short time later I went into their "OR" and was prepped for the transfer. The doctor came in and gave me pics of the embryos...they are beautiful!! They were graded 4AB and 3AA...which is excellent. The transfer only took a few minutes....they took a pic immediately after the transfer so I could see the embryos in my womb." Lord, please let them find a home in there for 9 months"  is what I kept praying over and over. I talked to my IM as soon as I was out of the OR. We were both so thankful that everything went well. Later that day as I was looking at the pics of the embies I asked my husband if he noticed anything about the one on top and he said...yes, there is a smiley face! Ok, so I'm not crazy!!  The first thing I noticed when I looked at the pics real closely was that toward the bottom of the first embie there appears to be a perfect little smiley face...I know that sounds crazy but it's there!! I definitely think God  had something to do with it <3  I have showed several people and everyone sees it...I'm hoping it's a message from God that everything is going to be ok with them!!  :)  So, the rest of the day friday and on saturday I didn't do much but watch tv and read.  And of course, rub my belly and talk to my IP's babies and asked that they please stay with me for the next 8 or 9 months.
Sunday we flew back home. I was so happy to be with my kids...I really missed them!  But it was very relaxful being away..and I am so happy that the transfer went well...and I can not wait for a BFP (big fat positive...preg test). Last night I had a dream that I had an u/s done and both lil ones looked perfect....Lord, please let  that be the case!!!
The last few weeks I have been looking for the perfect gift for my IM....something that she could wear during the pregnancy to give her hope and keep  us connected throughout this journey. I looked at so many different stores and could not find what I was looking for. I had wanted to send it before the transfer so she would have it for that day but I just couldn't find the right gift. So today...knowing I was going to be mailing the pics of her embies...I went to Arrowhead Christian store and said a prayer that God help me to find what I am looking for (although I wasn't quite sure myself). And sure enough I found it :)  So I sent that along with the pics....I can not wait for her to receive it. And I hope when she looks at it  that it reminds her of God's love and gives her strength and hope to trust in Gods plan...I pray that he gives her the gift of life :)
I can not wait to start testing Wed.  I know there are so many people praying for these 2 lil ones...please, Lord, let them get big and strong!!!  Their mommy and daddy have been waiting for so long for them!!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Two more days to go!!

 I can not believe the transfer is only two days away!!! I am so excited  :) My bags are packed and I'm ready to go!! We fly out tomorrow morning and am scheduled for the transfer at 11:15 friday morning...flying back Sunday. As I was packing my bags this morning I put a lot of thought into what I want to wear Friday...I decided on a green sweater (green's a lucky color)...and I bought a pair of shamrock socks the other day that I want to wear. Yes, I probably sound a  little crazy right now...lol... I know it does not matter what I do or wear Friday...that God will determine if I am going to carry T&J's babies or not...but right now I am looking at getting positive thoughts and feelings from wherever I can !!!  I started this journey on a very high note...and want that to continue. It is very important to me to be as stress-free and as positive as I can in this journey.
There are so many wonderful people excited about this journey and praying for my IP's, and if you are reading this and are one of those people, THANK YOU!!  I know it's all in Gods hands and I don't know what He has planned, but I can only pray that He gives my IP's what is in their heart. I am so full of excitement and joy right now. I believe with all my heart that this is going to happen :) 
I have had so many dreams over the last few weeks of the actual transfer, and of seeing pics of the 2 beautiful embies!! I can not wait to get my first positive hpt  next week!!  Will try to post something Friday after the transfer...I am hoping to have better luck with the hotels computers than I did last time we were there...if I'm not able to post I promise  Sunday or Monday to update you!!!

Friday, February 4, 2011

A week til Transfer!!!

Yayyy!!! I'm so excited :)  Yesterday I had another ultrasound and more labs. The ultrasound measured my lining to be 11mm....and what is desirable is anything over 8, so that is great news! Today I rec'd a call from the IVF clinic that everything came back perfect and we are definitely on for Feb 11th. So, my hubbie and I quickly booked our trip. We are flying out at 5:35 Thursday morning and returning Sunday afternoon. The IVF clinic would like me on bedrest Friday and Saturday.....their recommendation was to not travel back home til sunday. So...we are all set to go :)   I can not believe how fast time seems to be going...but I dread the "2WW" (2 wk wait). I have to go on the 21st for my first BETA (quantitative HCG...to see if I'm pregnant)...but there's no way I will be able to wait til then so I'm stocking up on home pregnancy tests. Probably on the 16th I will start testing.....but even waiting til then is going to be torture!!  I want so badly for my IP's to finally be parents...and I really believe it's going to happen :)  So, for now just praying, praying, Praying!!! Hopefully the two lil embryos they implant next wk will stay around for 9 months and my IP's will be blessed with healthy twins in late October...I know this is all in God's hands....and I hope that this is what He has planned for them:)

Saturday, January 29, 2011

So I woke up this morning thinking about how awesome God is.  A few  months ago I didn't know what I was looking for in my IP's. All I knew was that I wanted to help a couple by bringing a miracle into the world for them. A couple that I'm sure has been through more heartache than I can ever imagine. It would be a wonderful experience for me. But God knew EXACTLY what my heart really wanted (although I did not yet know)...and He gave me exactly that. He did not want me to go through this journey with just anyone...he picked the PERFECT couple....for He wanted me to experience this journey to the fullest.So, I thank you Jesus..for you knew what I wanted before I ever knew. God is so amazing!!!!
So...I started my meds on Thursday and WOW...I had killer headaches all day. Maybe it was a coincidence but chances are it was the meds. I thought I was going to experience headaches for the next few months...but knew some how I would get through it...T&J's babies (or babies-to-be) are always on my mind and that would help get through the headaches....but I am so happy to say that the headaches were gone yesterday. :)  And today I am feeling great. I'm taking care of my body as if I were pregnant. Drinking lots of water, eating well,etc.  However..I am allowing myself one cup of coffee in the morning. I do plan on cutting that out completely soon :(  I think it's very important to get my body prepared for a pregnancy as best I can. I want the perfect home for T&J's babies :)  I'm looking forward to next Thursday...getting the OK to proceed with the transfer on Feb 11th.  That day will be here so soon!!  I'm saying so many prayers for my IP's.....if everything goes well they will have their lil miracles around Halloween time :)  And guess what?  My IM has 3 friends who are expecting right now!!!! Wouldn't that be awesome for her to have her babies at the same time as 3 of her friends??? God is so good...and after all the heartache my IM has had over the last 10 yrs....it would be awesome for  her to have her miracles now...and to be able to share something so special with her friends. God does have a plan for everyone...and I pray that it is His plan for her!!!  Well...gonna run..my 2 little ones need me...will keep  ya posted :)

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Start of Meds :)

Tuesday I went for my baseline ultrasound and labs. I was told my lining is very thin....and that is exactly what they wanted to see! My labs were also perfect...soooo....I was given the ok to start meds today :)  I am taking Estradiol 2mg three times a day, and Vivelle 0.1mg patches. The patches are applied to my lower abdomen and changed every other day. I will continue on these until further notice. Starting on Feb 6th I will be taking daily progesterone in oil injections (I've heard these are no fun...and leave nasty bumps on your butt for months). But I'm so excited to get things going finally. Next Thursday I go back for another ultrasound and at that point my lining should be much thicker. I will also have lab work to make sure the meds are working and my hormone levels are higher. When all of that comes back good then we will know that on Feb 11th  we can have 2 beautiful embryos transfered. My body should be ready to be the home for T&J's babies for 9  months :)  I am so excited about things...I bought a few early pregnancy tests yesterday. I figured I should start stocking up on them! I know I am going to be very impatient about waiting to know and expect to be taking lots of tests!!! With  my own babies I have always had high HCG levels and tested positive early so I am probably going to test about 5 days post transfer...and from what I've read from other women with a 5 day transfer, it is common to get accurate results that early. So, in 3 weeks from now I should know if T&J are going to be parents finally. I can not wait for that day. They are always in my thoughts and prayers...I don't care what it takes to help their dream come true...I will do whatever I can and God willing in about 9 months they should be welcoming their lil miracles into this world. What an amazing day that will be....and for the next 9 months that will be in my heart and mind. God is so good and I pray he blesses them in this way.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

    In only 3 weeks my husband and I will be traveling to Michigan for the transfer...yayyy!!!!  Time is just flying by! Next Tuesday I go for my baseline ultrasound and blood work....then Thursday I start my meds :) I'm looking foward to that....to getting my body ready for T&J's babies!!! I thank God every day that he helped me find my IP's ... I can not wait for that moment that they hold their baby(ies) in their arms for the first time...and all the heartache they have had is gone and they are filled with the love and joy in their hearts that they so deserve :) God is so good and I am so honored that He has allowed me to be a part of their miracle! Thank you, Jesus!!!
   Being on different surrogacy websites I see so many other women who are painfuly experiencing infertility also.....it is so heart-breaking.  So I am saying extra prayers for all women going through this. I found a prayer on http://www.2heartsnetwork.org/pregnant.htm that I would like to share:

         Blessing for the Conception or Adoption of a Child
The Lord is faithful in all His words and holy in all His works.
The Lord lifts up all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look hopefully to You, and You give them their food in due season; You open Your Hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing.
The Lord is just in all His ways and holy in all His works.
The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth.
He fulfills the desire of those who fear Him, He hears their cyr and saves them. The Lord keeps all who love Him, but the wicked He will destroy.
May my mouth speak the praise of the Lord, and may all flesh bless His Holy Name forever and ever.
-- Psalm 145:13-21
God, our Creator, by Your love the world is filled with life, through Your generosity one generation gives life to another, and so are Your wonders told and Your praises sung.
We look to You in our love and in our need: may it be Your will that we bear (adopt) a child to share our home and faith.
Loving God, be close to us as we pray to love and do Your will. You are our God, nourishing us forever and ever. Amen.


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Chapter One :)

And so my story will begin...a new chapter in my life. What I am sure will be one of the most amazing times in my life. It has always been in my heart to help a family member or friend by being a surrogate mom if the opportunity came up.The opportunity never did.  A few months ago a seed was planted in my mind and heart. I started to research surrogacy and contacted a few agencies. In the mean time I prayed...I prayed alot!!! I asked God to let me know if this is what he wanted for me and if so to help me find the right couple. In November I met the most caring, sweetest couple ever :)  I knew after we met they were the right couple! And God has told me in so many little ways that this is what He wants. So in December my husband and I went to the IVF clinic and had some testing done...passed everything with an A plus the doctor said! So we have a transfer date of Feb 11th....I am so excited! I decided not long ago that I am going into this journey not focusing on this from a medical angle but from a spiritual angle. I really believe that God is with me and the IP's ...and He brought us together for one reason....to give this beautiful couple the miracle(s) they have been dreaming of for so long...and that He will be with us each step of the way. The last few years I have not been involved in a church...I prayed at times but was not where I wanted to be spritually.  But since deciding I want to pursue being a surrogate my life has changed in so many ways. My family and I are now active in a local church and I feel so much closer to Him than I ever had.
Anyway...29 more days til the transfer...I don't know who is more excited the IM or myself!!!  I'm saying lots of prayers and crossing my fingers that all goes well. Well...I do need to run...my 3 yr old is needing mommy and dinner needs to get started....will return soon :)